Impersonations
by demonic blood shed666
Summary: Kanda is forced to do impersonations of the people in D.Gray-Man through songs. oocnees and randomness is warned. M just in case of other chapter's songs
1. Chapter 1

Warnings: oocness to a high degree and later on a few songs that are basically nothing but sex

Be aware that if this becomes a series the ratings will change with each chapter, and that it could end at any time.

Now sit back,

relax, and,

enjoy

Chapter 1:

"Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!"

"Come on Kanda, pleeeeeeaaaaasssseeee!!!"

"It's just for fun!"

"Come on do it!"

"C'mon Yuu-chan! Do it fer us!"

"BAKA USAGI! DON'T CALL ME BY THAT NAME!!!"

"Please Kanda?"

Komui managed to quiet the crowds in seconds, a feat that Kanda Yuu found himself envying. Now, after all of his threatening glares and Mugen induced death threats...they would shut up for the idiotic supervisor when all he did was wave his arm?!

"Che..."

The supervisor stood in his place on top of the table and stared directly at the Japanese Exorcist through his glasses, an evil grin on his face that surpassed the grin of the Millenium Earl's himself. Despite his best efforts the nineteen year old couldn't help but shiver in slight fear.

He did not fear pain. He did not fear akuma, no matter what level they were at. He did not fear the Noah. He did not fear the Earl. He did not fear death.

HE DID NOT FEAR WOMEN WHEN THEY WENT ON THEIR MENSTRAUL CYCALS!!!

But he found himself deathly afraid of what the supervisor could, and would do to him if he refused the rest of the Black Order's request.

Yes, that included the Generals which meant that they were all here in this very room. Including Cross who had a current harem running around him.

The Exorcist sighed and stood before leaving the room to get his props. But before he left he dragged Lenalee with him. With the idea he had in mind there was no way he could do this without a girl.

And the only female he trusted in this joint was Lenalee Lee.

Luckily for him Komui seemed to understand and for once didn't over react when his beloved little sister was taken out of the dining hall.

Fifteen minutes later every being in the hall was directed towards the center of the room where a good sized circle was left untouched by the many bodies and tables. Komui stood in the center of said ring with a wide grin on his face and his left arm withheld from his body as his right was folded across his chest.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the supervisor started in an obviously faked deeper tone.

Lavi leaned in closer to Allen who was munching on some chips and muttered, "I think he's takin' this just a lil' bit too far."

Allen nodded, his face too stuffed to respond verbally.

"After much convincing on all of our parts we finally managed to get our stubbern Kanda to participate in our event. So without further ado, I present Yuu Kanda as General Marian Cross and my beloved Lenalee Lee as General Cloud Nyne!"

Cheers were being shouted left and right and Allen noted as the lights dimmed slightly how said General's perked at their names and paid some attention to the going on. White brows furrowed in thought. Just what was Kanda planning having himself and Lenalee impersonating those two? And just how were they supposed to impersonate them in a song?

The cheering and whooting grew louder and longer as said pair made their way to the center of the circle a spot light automatically zooming in on them.

Music started to play from above and both Lavi and Allen noticed Kanda's changed hair style (the color was still the same blue black though, just wavy like Cross's) and their was the mask on the right side of his face. He also had a fake gun in his hand. Lenalee...well the main thing that drew them to her was the toy monkey plastered onto her shoulder.

Kanda waved his hand around before shouting to them all, "Ladies and gentlemen...The Man Song!"

A couple of chuckes followed that but what made it all better was when Lenalee gestured towards him with her hands, "_He's the man, he's the man_."

A slight suspicious look crossed the real Cross's face.

"I don't take no crap from anyone else but you," Kanda bowed to the lady and more laughter filled the room. Especially when automatically Cross looked sour and Cloud looked smug.

"I wear the pants around here when I"m finished with your laundry..." more laughter and Allen had a difficult time eating through the smile. He may hate Kanda with a passion but finally someone was screwing his master over!!!

"Cause I"m a guy you don't wanna fight," Kanda lifted his free hand at himself and stared at them all with a proud expression. "When I say jump you say 'yeah right', I'm the man of this house until you get home."

General Teidoll was having a blast watching his...child. The biggest grin Allen had ever seen was on the man's face as he watched both his apprentice and his aggravator.

"_He's the man, he's the man."_

"What I say goes around here," Kanda lifted the gun and glared at her before quickly changing his pose with his words. "Right out the window," one of the Finder's acutally had water spray out of their nose when Kanda quickly turned and tossed the gun out an imaginary window.

Cross was turning red while Cloud was holding in her laughter.

Kanda turned to his friend who had her hands on her hips in the usual woman's fashion of 'exuse me' and pointed at her. "And I don't want to hear a lot of whining," he sat on his heels and covered his mouth, "So I'll shut up."

Allen and Lavi were leaning on each other as General Zokalo rammed the uptight red head on the back.

"The sooner you learn whose boss around here the sooner you can give me my orders dear!"

Kanda winked at the crowd. "Cause I'm head hauncho around here but it's all in my head!"

"_He's the man, he's the man._"

"And I can have sex anytime that you want," here Cross face dropped in both anger and shock while the other Generals laughed even harder. "Cause I'm a man who has needs but they're not that important."

Kanda got real close to Lenalee now, pointing a finger in her face now that his gun was 'out the window'.

"And don't expect any flowers from me," he quickly got down on one knee, bent his head like he was petrified and had a necklace in his hands high above him like a peace offering. "Cause if I'm not mistaken you prefer jewlery, I'm the king of my castle when you're not around."

Allen's jaw was beginning to hurt when he saw Lavi crying, but his gut _ached _when he saw his master's pale complextion.

"_He's the man, he's the man._"

Kanda jumped back to his feet and backed away from her. He puffed out his chest and stuck his thumb at it.

"An' I'll drink and watch sports whenever I want and get in trouble," his chest deflated at that, along with his superior expression.

"And I'll come home when I'm good and ready...to sleep on the couch!

"Cause a man's got to do what a man's got to do," he suddenly pointed at a grinning Lenalee and looked away, as if it was too much to bear watching her. "And I'm gonna do what you tell me to," at this Cross actually stood up and looked as if he was about to make his way over and give a piece of his mind but Zokolo held him back.

Apparently the war monger wanted to finsih this.

"Because I'm top dog around here but I've been neutered!!!"

At this Cross collapsed back down after Kanda covered his crotch and fell onto his behind while the entire hall erupted into fits of uncontrollable laughter that only lessened when they noticed Lenalee was going to say something.

"_He's the man, he's the man," _she went up to him and patted him on the head, a move that only made Cross deflate even more. "_You the man." _

As the pair bowed and everyone cheered Allen smirked as he saw his master's ego fly throughout the room like a deflated balloon.

A.N. Well? how was it? good bad? metsa? please do tell and if you liked it and want another, just tell me and I'll be sure to do it.

the song is called "The Man Song" by Tom and Bob who are a couple of comedians.

once again i hope you enjoyed!


	2. Chapter 2

Yo, thanks for the reviews people! Glad you're likin' it and who knows hopefully you'll like this one too!

Chapter 2: Allen and Link

Kanda and Lenalee were still in the middle of their bowing session as people cheered and cheered but just as they were about to head out some of the Finders started speaking.

"Another!"

"Enchor! Enchor!"

The Japanese Exorcist quite characteristically grew an aggravated tick under his left eye while Lenalee started to giggle behind her hand. Cross had actually gotten up and left once Zokalo had let him go to Cloud's amusement. The only female General was snickering in amusement, quite obviously pleased with the outcome of Kanda's little performance.

"That was great wasn't it Allen!"

The white haired moyashi beamed at his red haired friend, too amused for words. When his bastard mentor actually got up and left after his ego flew out the window Allen had never felt such a big bubble of gratitude to the one Exorcist that managed to piss him off the most.

"I don't see what you found so amusing," a voice to Allen's right grabbed their attention. "There was nothing funny about that ridiculous performance."

The pair scowled at Central's lap dog whom had been forgotten during the earlier play.

"Oi Two Spot's," Link twitched. "Why do ya have to be such a downer all the time?"

"It's childish to find this entertaining!"

The Destroyer of Time scowled at his stalker and instead turned back to the pair in the center who were still being attacked by everyone else for an enchor. Even Miranda was getting in on it.

But the reason he didn't turn to talk to Lavi was because frankly...the mischevious smile on his friend' face scared the fricken crap out of him.

"No! You all got your impersonation so now its done!" Kanda screamed, his face demonic under Cross's mask.

"Plea-!"

"NO!"

Lenalee pouted at her long time friend. "But Kanda look at them. They look so deprived and you're really the only one whose good at this."

Black eyes met violet but the glare soon faded and the boy's shoulders sagged in saddened defeat. Who could stand up to the girl's puppy dog face and live? Only a monster would be able to do such a thing.

And while Kanda really was the monster of the Black Order, even he had a soft spot for the Chinese girl.

"Fine." Sighing he stood back up and faced the crowd. "Who do you want me to do next?"

Really. The boy sounded so drained and abused it was amazing.

Lavi's voice was the loudest as he shouted out "Allen and Link!"

Everyone silenced and once again Kanda dragged Lenalee off to the prop room.

Allen gaped at the smirking red head. So, this was his master plan.

Link wasn't so pleased. "How dare you do such a thing you impudent pest?!"

"What are ya gonna do? Arrest me for insubordination?"

"I just as might!"

A few minutes and an almost deaf Allen later the blessed pair came back to the center.

Lenalee was in Link's standard Central oufit with his handy dandy notepad and a long golden braid wig. Kanda on the other hand had managed to find a wig that looked exactly like Allen's, had scribbled Allen's curse mark on his face and adorned a red glove on his left hand.

It was very odd. And the little moyashi found himself promptly petrified as everyone silenced.

And than the music started.

Kanda started to move around, doing absent things like waving his hands and such as he started to sing. "I'm just an average man with an average life."

No laughter so far but many very intriqued faces.

"I work from nine to five," he then stopped to look around everyone with a hagard look on his face. Allen's eyes narrowed. "hey hell I pay the price. All I want to is to be left alone in my average home." He twirled on his feet, hands in the air as he indicated the building and quite a few laughs resonated in the room due to the odd movement.

So far Lenalee stayed put.

And than Kanda sunk down and twiddled his fingers, forcing a slightly frightened expression on his face. "But why do I always feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone?"

The song fit really Allen thought. They were in a slightly Twilight Zoneish area but he was still worried about what was left to come when his aggravator got back to his feet and Lenalee started to home in on him.

"And..."

Kanda looked behind him where Lenalee was standing before she jumped to the side, still watching.

"I always feel that somebody's watchin' me, and I have no privacy." Kanda rubbed his arms in a self hug as he looked all around and as the words sunk in those who knew of the situation between the two started to laugh. "I always feel that somebody's watchin' me, tell me is it just a dream?"

Allen snickered as Link started to twitch.

Kanda than ran across the space they were provided and threw open an imaginary door. "When I come home at night I bolt the door real tight," he than threw the imaginary door closed and locked it numerous times making Noise grin. "People call me on the phone I'm trying to avoid. Well, can the people on the TV see me or am I just paranoid?"

Kanda gripped the wig tightly and his expression turned desperate enough to make the real Allen laugh and scowl at the same time. It was amusing but at the same time oh so acurate it was annoying as all hell. Lavi liked it though.

"I always feel that somebody's watchin' me, and I have no privacy." The normally stoic man was running amok now as he turned from left to right, trying to find a safe place but Lenalee followed him everywhere, making him run some more. "I always feel that somebody's watchin' me, tell me is it just a dream?"

Kanda than paused directly in front of Allen and Link with his hands half way to the wig a petrified expression carved perfectly into his handsome face. Lenalee was directly behind him, sneaking up like a shadow. "When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid to wash my hair." He shook and spun around, eyes darting for Lenalee but she moved behind him again with his movement. "'Cause I might open my eyes and find someone standing there."

He lowered his arms and listened as everyone laughed around him. He seemed to preen for a moement before getting on his knees and moving in front of random people, acting as if he was begging for help, all the while moving on his knees. "People say I'm crazy, just a little touched. But maybe showers remind me of Psycho too much that's why..."

He got back to his feet and once again started his frantic searching. Absentmindedly Allen thought he looked a bit like Miranda doing that and even though Kanda was making fun of him he couldn't stop the grin. It was all true after all.

And a glance to his right made him laugh uncontrollably due to Link's rather pink face.

The Inspector growled as he thought to himself, I do not act like that! I'm no stalker!!!

"I always feel like somebody's watchin' me and I have no privacy. I always feel like somebody's watchin' me..."

He than grabbed ahold of the wig and his eyes were wide. "Who's playin' tricks on me? I don't know anymore."

"Are the neighbors watchin' me?" He pointed to a group of Finders who bawled, a couple actually falling on their asses. "Well is the mailman watchin' me?" He turned and pointed to Lavi who simply looked apalled behind his smile.

"And I don't feel safe anymore, oh what a mess," Lenalee moved up behind him when and got real close, her eyes large and round like an all knowing owls. "I wonder who's watchin' me now?" He abruptly turned looking for his stalker but the Lenalee/Link moved with him, once again behind him.

Allen didn't even bother to feel upset anymore, this was just too fucking great. He let himself laugh and laughed harder at Link's red face. The man looked like he was about to cry.

Kanda fell to his knees in the center of the circle and looked to the heavens. "Who? The IRS?!" He swiveled down to point at Link himself who growled, causing even more bawls from those close enough to hear him. Teidoll was in tears and plump on his behind...

"I always feel like somebody's watchin' me..." Kanda tucked his arms in close to his chest as he sunk further to the floor. "And I have no privacy. I always feel like somebody's watchin' me, and I have no privacy."

He turned on his knees one last time, this time in a full circles he looked for the perp. "Who's playin' tricks on me? I always feel like somebody's watchin' me, and I have no privacy."

He tucked his head down low and raised his voice so everyone could still hear him in a whisper, "I always feel like somebody's watchin' me..."

Lenalee than finished off the show by doing the universal 'I'm watching you' sign with her hand before pointing at him and scribbled furociously on her notepad.

When the music finished some people actually stood to clap and cheer, the majority having tears flow down their cheeks as Kanda stood back on his feet.

Komui was one of the people crying and he had magically produced a bouquet of roses and was throwing the flowers at the pair screaming, "Bravo!" over and over again.

Lavi wolf whistled, recieving the middle finger from the actor who looked like Allen and Kanda combined and Allen couldn't help but clap as well.

But what really took the cake was when Bak came running over to where they stood and shouted at Link, "You're the one who's always watching him! Bad stalker bad!"

And the Inspector rightly got up and left after that.

AU. WEEEEEe ch. 2 is complete. so is it any good? huh? huh? reviews please while i give you a smile that can melt your hearts like Lenalee. please. and who would you guys like to have done next? make a vote.

Tyki

Lavi

Black Allen

Teidoll

Rhode

Miranda

Krory

And any requests for songs will be fine too and speaking of songs the song in this was "Somebody's Watchin' Me" by Rockwell.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for the reviews everyone! They make me feel all fuzzy inside ^^

Chapter 3: Tyki!!!

Lenalee glanced over at her friend's deep sigh and had to refrain from giggling when she noticed the almost heart broken expression on his face. His hair was sliding out from under the white wig and his shoulders were slumped as he walked, making him look like the teenager he really was.

She would have asked if he was okay but after what her brother did to him she didn't think he'd be able to handle it.

_As Kanda and Lenalee started to walk off the stage Komui planted his hands on his hips and demanded, "And who are you going to be next Kanda?!"_

_Even though it was just a wig, the white hair seemed to twitch with Kanda's aggravation as he squared his shoulders and turned back to look at her psychotic older brother. A murderous expression was on his face and the Finders they were closest to whimpered and scurried off a little, as if frightened that the beast would slaughter those closest to him._

_"I've done my bit, so I'm not going to impersonate anyone else." Dark eyes glared hotly at the supervisor who so happened to be standing next to the ex-supervisior they've all so conviently forgotten about like with Link. Director Levvier looked as if he was having a blast of somesorts. After all, someone _was _being tortured. "And nothing you say can make me change my mind."_

_One of Komui's eyebrows rose as his mouth curled. "Oh? Really?" And suddenly the usually complacient, happy go lucky man was, single handedly, the most terrifying thing in the room. The only one who didn't cower in fear of his sudden hostile energy signals was Lenalee and that was simply because the male had somehow controlled the disasterous waves and made them bypass her. There was no way he could scare his baby sister after all. But what made it all worse to the other men's male prides was the fact that they were scared shitless by a figure who was drinking coffee out of bunny cup and had a burret on his head. "Because I beg to differ."_

_Kanda whimpered so softly only Lenalee could hear but than summoning as much courage as he could he grunted, "Che, and just how are you going to make to go further asshole?"_

_Now, no one was surprised by the Japanese's vulgar language, the curse words just seemed to be as much of him as his hair but what was surprising was how Komui's grin stretched from ear to ear, in an almost Noah manner._

_Holy fucking shit!_

_"Have you forgotten, Kanda, how many times I've been forced to pay for repairs when you and Allen got into fights? Have you forgotten how leniant I've been with your attitude?" With each question it looked as if horns were stretching that burret farther and farther from Komui's brown locks. The last question was stated with such conviction and finality that Kanda nearly crumbled. "Have you forgotten that I have the power to force each and every one of your missions to be accompanied with our beloved General Teidoll...?"_

_With the threat stated, simply and clearly Kanda bowed his head in submission._

_"Good, now understand that you have to do as many impersonations that we want you to, okay?"_

_"...Che..."_

And with that they walked off into the dressing rooms where they both started to strip down. Now normally acting outfits are worn over the actors and actresses own clothing to keep them clean but seeing as how the cleaning ladies of Black Order were so meticulous they washed the props every single day. So neither of them bothered with any of their clothing except for their underwear.

Which they've seen each other in numerous times already. Hence why neither really reacted to the exposed skin. Now, don't read it the wrong way, they weren't in that kind of relationship at all you pervs. In fact Lenalee was completely stuck over Allen and our beloved swordsman was most likely gay. It's just that seeing as they grew up together in HeadQuarters, like true siblings they would change in front of each other to halt any hassles of precious time consumption.

When the Chinese girl was stripped down into her white colored underwear she looked over her shoulder at Kanda who was already getting into the pressed suit. "Do you need me in this one also or...?"

"No," came the curt reply. And with a shrug she stepped into her casual outfit and walked out to sit next to her crush seeing as how his stalker had run away.

After putting on all the needed pieces Kanda walked over to the mirror and posed. He had left his skin color the way it was so the only makeup he put on were the crosses stretching across his forehead under the wig's short, wavy curls of hair. The top hat was tilted slightly with his head as he placed some of his weight into the black cane, the tight dress suit showing off the masculinity of his arms and hips. He stuck out his tongue, set his eyes at half mast and pushed up the wig, showing off the Stigmanta for all to see.

Yeah, he made this thing look good.

And because he was forced into doing this obscene act over and over Kanda decided what the heck, he might as well place his real feelings into the songs.

So walking back out into the crowd and standing in the center of the ring he mimicked the pose he had done in the dressing room while the music started, only to place his tongue back into his mouth in order to sing properly.

He noticed how some of the people around him were shocked at his choice. Of all people, why Tyki fucking Mikk?

Why? He asked himself, because the bastard Noah of Pleasure actually holds a lot of Kanda's own personal opinions on things.

He was still leaning on the cane when he started to adress every one in the room. "Who, who do you serve? For whose empire and whose whims?" He eased off the cane and slowly stalked around the circle. "Is your honor judged by men?"

He leaned over Miranda and narrowed his eyes at her fearful expression, not even paying attention to the crowds uncomfortable mutters about the lyrics. "Will you lie? Will you lie if they say it's they're will?"

He than quickly appeared in front of the remaining generals, smirking at them while his eyes sneered in disdain. None were very pleased with that. "Will you die or continue to kill? Until the generals all have their fill," he rounded on the Finders and hissed. "Craven cowards, armchair warriors." He sneered in hateful disgust. "You will serve them well."

He noticed midly how there was no clapping and how, very quickly, the majority of the room started to glower and straighten themselve. How fucking amusing.

Kanda sauntered over to Lavi who looked both surprised and cautious. Wary, as he should be. He leaned over until he was directly face to face with the red head, dark eyes narrowed with so much hated truth Kanda almost had to run from his inner observations. How his gut instincts told him every word was correct. "What, what will you write? For whose pleasure..." after making sure Lavi's green gaze followed his own to Bookman's he continued. "For whose delight?"

Damn how the Japanese hated this but at the same time his heart was revelling! Finally the truth is spilled! "Will your readers see your light? Will you say..." Lavi's one green eye was no longer smiling with fake happiness but brimming with a determined light. "That the singer can't blow you away?" He than turned back to the crowd with a vicious snarl as he took off the top hat, still holding on.

"That we hate people just 'cause they're gay, women and children all stay away!" He swung the hat in a flourish of pure, unadulterated hatred and half of the spectators snarled in return. Hateful towards his truthful and heartfelt accusations. Peh! Fucking Catholics, the lot of fucking hypocrites!

"To whom, whom do you pray?" The cane lifted off the ground slightly as he widened both arms. "Do dollars wash your sins away? Does God," the cane jerked to the roof, "Love cold hard cash? Do you say...If we all just continue to pay, all our ailments will go away. And our souls will be saved."

Looking over his black clad shoulder Kanda looked directly into his rivals eyes, Moyashi's grey orbs twinkling with the inner battle rattling in his head. For once he felt the disgust diminish for a second before it came back ten fold, the emotion lathered within the words he directed straight at the white haired teen.

"God's not with you 'Holy Roller'." Black eyes narrowed so much only a sliver of opaque was seen and Allen stiffened and shook from the words. "Your heart dwells in Hell."

Both Lenalee and Lavi looked as if they were about to yell at him for doing such a thing to the boy but he turned from them before they had a chance. Foolish brats, he thought scathingly to himself and not for the first time he wondered if the Noah's path was more rightous.

He didn't even believe in all of the Order's bullshit and yet they were still forcing it on him.

With purpose he crossed the circle to stand in front of the glowering Levvier and their mutual hatred sparked between them. "Why, why do you run? Our awareness has spoiled your fun," that was growled with a smile and Kanda had the feeling that soon he would also have a stalker following him around. The look in the Director's eyes was clearly saying that he was doubting Kanda's loyalty. "Our eyes see you too clear, will you hide?"

He turned and stood in the center, slowly circling on the spot as he sang. "From the joy of expressing our pride, for the leaders and people who've died." Dark eyes glowed with such intensity the majority of the group actually moved back. "While combating your genocide."

With grace he slid the hat back onto his head and swung the cane behind him. The last three lines were said in husky tones as his own grin spoke of homicidal insanity. The group who was constantly trying to make him be more polite flinched back a look of sorrow crossing their faces.

"Chains are breaking,

"Minds are waking..."

He stared directly into Levvier's eyes at this one.

"Soon we'll serve no more..."

As the music ended there was a soft clapping, a portion of the sounds actually genuine, coming from those who agreed with his words. The rest was just a politeful responce to a performance and Kanda delighted in the distrustful looks that were being sent his way. It was so fucking entertaining to screw with their perfect ideals...

As Kanda leaned against the cane he rose a single brow and waited for the next name to be shouted out.

And there is chapter 3!!! I'm sorry if i messed up the song at all, i've never actually heard it i just saw the lyrics and thought that, that was so tyki. if any of you disagree that's fine it's just what i got.

I think you guys will like the next one more though, it's back on track to the humor and well...lets just say that our precious kanda will be doing some interesting moves.

the song is called "Servitude" by Fishbone.

Until next time

Ja ne!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Jasdevi

The room was filled with whispers once Kanda left the room and Allen...oh poor little Allen was sitting still, nice and shocked. His face was pale, looking even worse because of the shade of his hair.

Lenalee and Lavi were both staring at him in concern, each seriously considering beating the living shit out of Kanda for saying what he did. And all Allen could hear in his head at the moment was 'God's not with you Holy Roller, Your heart dwells in hell.'

It was a frightening concept, but, Allen closed his eyes and slowly his complextion went back to the shade it was before. It was a true concept, so he couldn't find it in himself to be angry with the Japanese simply because he called them all out.

"Allen, are you ok?" Lenalee's large eyes were shining with concern as she place a delicate hand on her crush's shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Allen hid his contemplative face beneath the ever used smile. There was no reason for them to worry over him and his sudden curiosity over what Kanda knew.

Because he had the feeling the black haired man knew something everyone else didn't.

Suddenly all the small chatter broke away when the echoing of shoes hitting the concrete floor hit them all. Lavi's eye narrowed as he frowned in curiosity. Why oh why were the Finders closest to the dressing room gaping and gasping and double checking?

The spotlight dimmed on the man walking towards the center and once they all saw just what was walking down their jaws dropped.

As the music started their eyes bugged around as they looked at him. Kanda had put on black eye liner under his one visible eye and black lipstick. A sharp and eerie grin graced his lips and ontop of his head was a golden wig with black toppings, the hair accessory reaching all the way down to the floor. The red trench coat hugged his body, showing off each and every muscle, black leggings were glimpsed at from under the rather dressy looking coat.

Allen could see Krory gaping and cupping a hand over his mouth as his eyes bulged. It would make sense for the vampiric Exorcist to react that way seeing as how the Noah Kanda was impersonating was the one he fought.

Jasdevi.

Tapping one foot Kanda grinned and lifted his right hand, beckoning at the crowd with a come hither look and instantly their anger was gone. "Come on over. Man! I feel like a woman!"

At his shout jaws dropped and eyes bugged as Kanda started to dance. "I'm going to go out tonight-I'm feelin' alright," he winked. "Gonna let it all hang out. Wanna raise my voice-" he started screaming his voice out into the audiance. "-Really raise my voice. Yeah I wanna scream and shout. No inhibitions-make no conditions," he wagged his finger and waltsed to Levvier.

The director was staring at him with huge eyes as he sang to him. "Get a little outa li-i-i-i-ine. I ain't gonna act policitially correct," he ruffled the mans hair. "I only wanna have a good ti-i-i-i-ime."

Shimming away from the horror struck man he danced around the circle, stopping directly in front of the almost petrified Krory and grabbed his head, giving a manic smile which only made the vampire sweat worse.

"The best thing about being a woman is the perogative to have a little fun and...Oh oh oh! Go totally crazy, forget I'm a lady. Men's shirts-short skirt! Oh oh oh! Really go wild-yeah! Doing it in style," he flew away from the shrinking man and back to the center where he promptly unzipped the upper part of the coat gaining a few cat calls from behind the cheering. "Oh oh oh! Get in the action-feel the attraction! Color my hair, do what I dare. Oh oh oh! I wanna be free-yeah, to feel what I feel..."

With a sharp turn the golden locks flopped over one shoulder, bearing a whole side to half of the drooling population. With a rather sexy smile and wink that made Lavi yell in appreciation he screamed, "Man! I feel like a woman."

Oh poor, poor Teidoll. The old general looked as if he was crying from the disturbing picture his son made. And Noise wasn't in much better condition even though Lenalee was surprisingly getting a pretty big kick out of it all.

Especially when he suddenly appeared right in front of her and dragged her out with him.

"The girls need a break-tonight we're gonna take the chance to get outta to-o-o-own." As he grabbed her he started to dance, making her laugh with each pivot and swing the pair did which made even Komui laugh. "Don't need romance-we only wanna dance," he suddenly let her go mid swing and she spun back to her seat. After losing her he soon grabbed a certain German to dance some more moves which made some of the Exorcists cover their mouths.

Oh poor Miranda Allen thought as she grabbed the body dancing with her after being swung out of his arms. She looked about to faint from amusement or fright. "We're gonna let our hair all the way down," with a quick flick of his wrist he pulled the hair tie off of Miranda's scalp and her dark hair was sent waving around her shoulders.

"The best thing about being a woman, is the perogative to have a little fun and..."

Miranda's eyes got large when he grabbed her hips and spun the poor thing in the air. "Oh, oh oh! Go totally crazy, forget I'm a lady. Men's shirts-short skirts," he spun the poor girl again and let her go, letting her run back to her seat where the others clapped her on the back, some of the girls grumbling about not being picked to dance.

"Oh, oh oh! Really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style! Oh oh oh! Get in the action-feel the attraction. Color my hair," he ran his fingers through the thick locks. "Do what I dare! Oh oh oh! I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I fe-el. Man! I feel like a woman."

With a rather daring look Kanda placed his hand palm up, in front of General Cloud and rose a brow in question. The woman snorted and gave her monkey a look before grinning and taking the offered hand.

"The best thing about being a woman is the perogative to have a little fun and..." the pair went back to back dancing with their backs in full contact. "Oh oh oh! Go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady!" They both swerved around and interlaced their fingers. "Men's shirts-short skirts! Oh oh oh! Really go wild yeah doin it in style! Oh oh oh! Get in the action-feel the attraction!" With a shove Cloud pulled back and Lau Shimin activated as he jumped over to the swordsman.

With a raised brow and little grin Kanda took the innocence's paw and allowed it to lead. The monkey was doing the same things he was doing to Miranda and Lenalee so he knew what to expect. "Color my hair-do what I dare, oh oh oh! I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel..." he flushed to the monkey's side. "Man! I feel like a woman."

As Kanda started to back away it appeared Lau Shimin had other ideas and pulled him back with his tail. "The best thing about bein' a woman...is the perogative to have a little fun and..."

Kanda quickly jumped onto the beasts back making Cloud chortle and the innocence to scream out in primal fashion. "Oh oh oh! Go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady! Men's shirts-short skirts," he kicked up his leg making the boys clap and laugh. "Oh oh oh! Really go wild-yeah doin it in style! Oh oh oh! Get in the action-feel the attraction, color my hair do what I dare! Oh oh oh! I wanna be free," the man yelped when Lau Shimin deactivated and he landed hard on his feet.

With a bow the woman and monkey took their place in their seat.

"Yeah, to feel the way I feel..." With a particulary vicious grin Kanda slammed a hand hard on his own ass and rolled his hips. "Man! I feel like a woman."

Lavi, the male who sat closest to the dancing man stood and wolf whistled which made the black haired man turn to look at him with a sparkling black eye.

One green eye blinked before a rather intriqued grin graced him as he noticed just how amused that black eye was. It seemed he would be the next to be played with.

And yes he was.

Suddenly his entire front was warmed up with an undulating Kanda and his eye bulged along with something else as he heard the slightly shorter man's words and understood both ways they could be read. "I get totally crazy," Kanda's face was suddenly very close to his neck, sharp nose nudging the skin of his throat and Lavi found it _very_ difficult to breath. "Can you feel it? Come, come on baby," Kanda finished by wrapping one hand around Lavi's neck and playing with the short red strands there. "I feel like a woman."

The entire room was no longer tense from the man's last song as they stood up and laughed, the men wolf whistling as Kanda peeled himself off of the badly turned on Bookman Jr. With a wink and extra flip of his head that sent the wig over his shoulder.

Lavi shivered and ignored his younger friends who were spluttering from Kanda's display. Oh, he was going to have to take the man up on his offer later when Komui lets him off the hook of impersonations.


	5. Chapter 5

Haha! I'm back peoples!!! Forgive me please i forgot to put the song title and band for the last chapter and they are: "Man! I Feel Like a Woman" by Twain Shania. Thanks for all of the reviews so far my loves and keep em coming! Here comes some more seductive humor.

Chapter 5: Lavi =^-^=

Purring Lavi shuddered in his seat and Allen couldn't help but chuckle at the everyone else's disturbed, yet amused states.

Kanda's previous song was...unbelievable...and with a rather lavious grin the red head quivered. He couldn't wait until the swordsman was set off of work. Kukuku...

The trio jumped as Komui magically appeared before them in a flash, his eyes wide as he grasped at his little sister's hands. "Lenalee! Are you alright darling little sister?! Did that monster hurt you?!"

"I'm fine brother! Really..."

Reever popped up besides the brunette, the Austrailian staring at their supervisor with narrowed, tired eyes. "Leave your sister alone Komui...if anyone was harmed by Kanda I think it would be Miranda..."

Everyone turned to look at the young German woman who was huddled in her chair. Krory was trying his hardest to calm the girl down, along with Marie and a few others. It appeared that her dance with the lethal Exorcist scarred the poor woman for life.

"Hey!" A Finder shouted as he stood up in order to grab everyone's attention. "Kanda's coming back out!!"

The group quieted down and from those who first saw the black haired man's new appearance gasped and giggled. Reever rose a single brow and sat down in a free seat next to the red heaired Exorcist where a Finder automatically stood onto his feet in order to let Komui sit next to his darling sister.

An upteat beat hit all their ears and Allen was almost falling off the edge of his seat trying to find the swordsman and Lenalee blinked at the words broadcasting out of the speakers that showed the music.

As if acting on instinct alone Komui new before the words came out that this was going to be a bad song and jumped to cover the girl's ears.

"Brother!"

"I'm doing this for your own good Lenalee!!!!!!"

The voice was old, sounding around the age of Levvier and spoke in the tone as if he was comenting on a documentary.

"Ha, ha, well now! We call this the act of mating. But there are several other very important differences between human beings and animals that you should know about, that you should know about."

The music continued on and everyone automatically brightened up at the words. This one was going to be good...but not for everyone apparently...

Lavi rose a brow at the sight of Teidoll grasping at his mouth as if the thought of his baby boy singing about such things was nauseating. The other generals had to pat the old man on the back, trying to comfort him a little bit.

As the music flowed Kanda finally made his appearance in the center of the ring and Lavi's jaw dropped.

The Japanese was impersonating...him...There was a wig sitting on the man's skull, his real hair tucked under the spiky red strands. The green headband clashing with his skin but the one eye patch actually complemented him somehow. He had all of Lavi's clothing which the man found a little scary.

Giving them all a cheeky grin Kanda sang, "I'd appreciate your input."

With a little spin Kanda sang, "Sweat baby, sweat baby, sex is a Texas drought me," the man was performing quick moves with his feet, as if he was tap dancing with the same large grin that looked more maniacle instead of joking and perverted.

Lavi was grinning his ass off automatically.

"And you do the kind of stuff that only prince would sing about," he stopped the tap dancing and instead started to slowly rotate his hips, slender hands gliding down his flat abdomen and most of the Order gasped at what the man was surely about to do. "So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts," he winked and with a sigh of disappointment in Lavi's point of view, swung his hands away from himself at the hips.

"Yes I'm Sixel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up," he rose his thumbs and grinned pervertedly. "You've had enough of two hand touch, you want it rough, you're out of bounds," he sucked a long middle finger into his mouth and showed the crowd how he twisted his tongue around the digit, winking as he did so. The swordsman gave a rather fast jerk of the hips at some of the Order members moans. Lavi found himself covering himself with his hands as he watched that playful tongue. "I want you covered, want you smothered like my Waffel House hash browns. Come quicker than Fed-Ex, never reaching apex like Coka-Cola stock you are," removing his middle finger he slid his hands down to his upper thighs and threw his head back. He slowly, almost unconsciously dragged his palms up. "Inclined to make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Saving Time."

The crowds were cheering and screaming but poor little Teidoll looked as if he was going to die from what his son was doing.

"Do it now," Kanda pointed to each and every individual before practially gliding up to a random female Finder and rubbed against her side. "You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals so lets do it like they do it on the Discovery Channel. Do it again now," the girl was sighing, eyes rolling into her head as he stroked down her sides gaining loud and excited screams. "You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals so let's do it like they do it on the Discovery Channel," with a quick dry hump that made Teidoll shriek he whispered sultry into her ear, "Getting horny now!"

Lavi was laughing his ass off, clapping his hands while at the same time unable to resist the charms Kanda was showing. The woman he had been practically molesting nearly fainted when he realeased her and her other female friends came and flauntered her, asking how it was and telling her how lucky she was. A rather pretty little red head screamed out for him to come take her away.

Bookman was frowning and shaking his head, probably annoyed at the fact someone was actually copying his idiotic apprentice.

Kanda ended up doing a running skid thing, the slide bringing him to a stop in front Allen, Lenalee, Lavi, Komui and Reever. The moment he slammed his heel onto the concrete, stopping the skid he drawled with a lazy grin, "Love, the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket. Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only god knows where we stuck it." Lavi broke out into a loud, clapping cheer and jumped to his own feet when the black haired man thrust his pelvis forward and licked dry lips.

Half of the female population of the Order started screaming and cheering as the two boys started to dance together in the center of the circle. Lavi wasn't singing anything but he was having a blast nonetheless.

Pressing his back up to Lavi's front the red head was severly reminded of the last song and the bulge in his pants only grew. Not that it seemed to stop the other man though as he rocked his hips backwards and gyrating them at the same time as he slid down the length of his body. Lavi groaned at the feel of the long, lean, gorgeous body undulating against his own until the back of Kanda's head pressed into his pressing problem. Only to come back up in the same manner.

"Heiroglyphics? Let me be Pacific, I want to be down in your south seas." Uncovered eyes connected and the imposter swung himself around until he was face to face with the slightly taller man. Eyes burning with passion he pressed his knee between Lavi's thighs and rose a brow at the man's moan.

Allen burst into a bit of tears and laughs when he saw Teidoll pass out on the floor. Apparently seeing Kanda acting in such a manner was too much for him to bear and the homophobic members of the audience weren't exactly sure how to handle this.

"But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean, means 'small craft advisory'. So if I capsize in your thighs, high-tide, B-5, you sunk my battle ship," the last word was pronunciated with sharp groans from each male because Lavi had actually grabbed hold of Kanda's hips and thrust _hard. _A challange was being broad casted in their eyes but Lavi jumped when he the black haired samurai pulled away...with a prize in his hands.

"Please turn me on I'm mister coffee with an automatic grip," he lifted his chin in a childish show, his smile foxy as he ripped open the jacket. "So show me yours I'll show you mine, "Tool Time", you'll Lovett just like Lyle." He gave Lavi his back and bent over a little bit at the waist mmking some of the boys and girls in the audience gasp and Komui was practically squishing his little sister's head in order to protect her virgin ears.

Though her eyes were no longer innocent.

"And then we'll do it doggie style so we can both watch X-Files."

Lavi's eye narrowed at both the invitation and the wave of Kanda's hand. Out of everyone in this place, Lavi was the only one who was able to read Kanda Yuu so completely just by body language. So under his breath he muttered, "Innocence, activate."

As he said the words the hammer held within Kanda's sticky fingers glowed and grew until it was bigger than the swordsman currently wielding it and everyone gasped. Especially Levvier who looked like he was going to have a heart attack.

But who cared about that old bastard?

So to the words and the music Kanda centered his dancing attention towards the hmmer before him. "You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel," he placed pole end down securely on the floor and held on before wrapping a single leg around the pole and Lavi felt he was going to die from how fucking horny he was. "You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals so let's do it like they do it on the Discovery Channel, getting horny now!"

To finish the song Kanda gave a particulary lewd thrust before ripping the thing from underneath him nd threw it into the air. When the old man's laughter came to the air the spinning hammer was caught in Kanda's strong grip until he was in the exact pose the red head so liked pulling off. nd with a flash in his eye and a suggestive, foxy grin, the lights went off and people started to scream.

And there is another chapter of kanda lavi entertainment people! The song is called "The Bad Touch" by Bloodhound Gang.

i hoped you all enjoyed ^^


	6. Chapter 6

CrimsonKitsune333 this ones for you.

Chapter 6: Krory

Now, what made the crowd scream? What made the lights go off?

The very same thing that suddenly appeared in the air once the lights flashed back on.

"Hello Ex...or...cists?"

Said Exorcists didn't even bother to activate their innocences and no one in the crowd seemed interested in really reacting to the newcomers except by staring at them with brows raised.

The Earl's ever huge grin drooped a little along with the rest of his Noah family at the lack of a response but what really got their attention was the fact that Kanda Yuu was currently dressed up as the Bookman Jr Lavi.

Tyki rose a brow from his seat in the air. "Mr. Kitchen Knife?"

Rhode, as pleasent as always when dealing with the Order looked down at her white haired obsession from her perch on the Earl's shoulder. "Ne, Allen...What's going on? Why is he dressed like that?"

The Earl had a question as well. "And why aren't you all attacking us?"

Komui stood and cleared his throat. "As you can see we were all enjoying a lovely-if not mortifying-display of Kanda's impersonating talents. We simply don't have the time to deal with you at the moment and nor do we want to so if you would be so kind and simply, vomanose." It wasn't even phrased as a question as he waved his hand in the air before reclaiming his seat next to Lenalee. His precious little sister who was currently glaring daggers at him for nearly crushing her cranium a couple of minutes ago.

Their enemies presence didn't even seem to make the swordsman twitch like he usually did, all he did was walk back to the dressing room when Komui kindly requested he get ready and perform his next act.

Lavi sat down and those currently floated in the air frowned at being ignored. Earl twiddled his thumbs in an odd fashion as he requested, "Well would it be to bold to ask if we could watch? I have the feeling we're being impersonated as well..."

Tyki and the twins nodded with a tiny little frown on their faces.

Komui narrowed his eyes back up at them before smiling. "Of course of course! Just don't attack anyone or anything and you're free to join!"

With that the enemies promptly jumped off their invisible seats to land on the ground and both Tyki and Rhode ran over to sit at Allen's feet.

The Earl and the others also found random spots to go sit around, the Noah of Bond running away to sit on either side of the currently hyperventilating vampire.

The lights dimmed and the twins eeped along with Krory when Kanda jumped to the middle of the stage once more, his hair somehow hidden beneath the short black hair of the wig with the long white lock hanging between his brows. The man gave a vicious grin which displayed all of his pearly...deathly sharp teeth that were borrowed from fake fangs as he started to sing and dance along to the up beat tunes.

"When I'm feeling lonely, sad as I can be," Kanda hugged himself around the middle and gave a rather depressed face to the crowd that made the Noah of Dreams aww. "All by myself on an uncharted island in an endless sea."

Walking around he spun with each step, making the tattered jacket flutter around him. "What makes me happy, fills me up with glee," with each word his spins grew faster and faster and Krory sunk down in his seat a little bit. "Those bones in my JAW! That don't have a flaw."

With a particular fast spin he smiled almost viciously while pointing to the fake fangs. "My shiny teeth and me."

Jumping into the air the Exorcist did a challenging looking pivot and sang, "My shiny teeth that twinkle, just like the stars in space! My shiny teeth that sparkle, addin' beauty to my face," the Japanese pointed to his face with a cute little grin and wink.

"My shiny teeth that glisten, just like a christmas tree. You know they walk a mile just to see me smile," he did a fast shoulder bop thing and shouted, "Woo! My shiny teeth and me, shiny teeth, shiny teeth."

As if produced by magic a hand held mirror popped up in Kanda's pale hand as he inspected the fake fangs with it. "Yes they're all so perfect, so white and pearly." The man was bringing out a room full of giggles as the twins guffawed and the actual vampire sunk down even lower into his seat.

The Earl would have gaped if he was able to, but his too big jaw wouldn't allow the movement so his handy dandy umbrella did so for him while Tyki nearly cried into his hand. Oh if Skin could see his killer now...

"Brush, gargle, rinse! A couple breath mints, my shiny teeth and me."

Kanda than did an odd little move where he rubbed his fingers against his jaw, "My shiny teeth so awesome, just like my favorite song! My shiny teeth I floss them, so they'll grow to be real strong," he flexsed his arms. He did another one sided hug, but this time with enjoyment as he spun and Allen couldn't help the loud screams flying from his throat when he saw Miranda covering her mouth trying to stop the giggles.

"My shiny teeth I love them, and they all love me, ahhahh. Why should I talk to you," he pointed to the crowd. "When I got 32, woo! My shiny teeth and me."

He danced around the circle while singing, "Shiny teeth, shiny teeth. My shiny teeth and me, shiny teeth, shiny teeth."

He rose both arms up into the air and pivoted, "My shiny teeth that twinkle, just like the stars in space. My shiny teeth that sparkle, addin' beauty to me face," he once again pointed to his cheeks. "My shiny teeth that glisten, just like a christmas tree, ahhahh! You know they walk a mile just to see me smile," he tapped Rhode's forehead with a long finger making the girl grin and burst into heartfelt laughter. "Woo!"

"My shiny teeth and me," he backed up to the end of the circle and broke out into a slow run. "Shiny teeth, shiny teeth..." he fell to his knees and skidded to the center of the room with one arm to the air and one to the floor as he shouted, "MY SHINY TEETH AND MEEEEEE!"

Krory promptly keeled over as everyone stood and cheered, clapping their hands and the twins make up was smeared all across the concrete floor from their tears.

. well? how was it? come on, you can tell me...the song was "My Shiny Teeth and Me" by Chip Skylark.


	7. Chapter 7

=^o^=

Chapter 7: Bak and Komui

"SHUT UUUUUUUUUP!!!!"

All the cheers and laughter died away quite quickly when the enraged Romanian vampire screamed at them all. The soft little Exorcist was crying and his normally pale cheeks were flushed with shame as he stood on his toes, fists clenched to his sides. He just couldn't take the laughs anymore! He would never, never ever do anything like that!

...He didn't even really like his teeth all that much...more tears poured out of his eyes as he brooded with everyone watching him with remose and confusion. How could he like the horrid bones in his jaw when they were the exact weapon used to kill his precious, precious Eliade?

"STOP LAUGHING AT ME!" After a second he added, "AND STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!!!!"

Poor Krory. At least he was honored enough that everyone in the room stiffled their laughs and looked away to somewhere else, preferably to Kanda who was still on the floor. Even the twins had quited down as he took a seat and he couldn't help but grin a little when Miranda cooed at him and petted his hair.

Clearing her throat Lenalee cried out, "Ne, Kanda? Who's going to be next?"

Raising a brow the samurai turned to look at her. Than his eyes slid over to the over protecive brother complex beside her. And than to the crazy Asian Branch Chief who was currently oggling at Lenalee. Finally his mouth slid into a ferocious grin as he sauntered over to the little group he knew so well and just when Lavi thought he was going to be pulled up again...

Kanda's hand redirected to the floor, where a certain Noah of Pleasure resided.

Everyone blinked and just watched on silently as the two stared each other in the eyes until finally Tyki allowed the same slow smile to grace his lips and he took the offered hand. With shocked blinks and stares the pair made their way to the dressing room.

Looking to his left Allen met Lavi's one eye. "Hey...what do you think that idiot's planning on doing now?"

The red head shrugged. "Who knows? But whatever song he's planning on doin is gonna be A: hilarious beyond reason. B: seductive beyond reason. C: depressing and horrifying beyond reason."

Lenalee looked over Allen's shoulder. Komui looked over Lenalee's and Allen's shoulder. Reever simply turned his head. "That's a lot of beyond reasons," Komui stated.

"Yes, yes it is."

"But why would it be seductive...?"

Rhode was the one who rose a brow as she turned to look at the girl who asked the rather foolish question. She had to place her elbow on Allen's knee to keep her balance in her half turned state much to his chagrin. "Hello, Kanda Yuu is actually one of the best looking guys I've seen in a long while so I'm pretty sure he could pull off something sexy," her other brow rose in curiosity when Reever muttered under his breath, "You have no idea." But back to Lenalee she grinned, "And besides, sexuality happens to be Tyki's strongest point, after all he is the Noah of Pleasure."

"Oh..."

"Holy shit!"

The shout caught everyone's attention and they were soon dragged to look at the pair making their way onto center stage and the little group automatically decided that the song was going to fall onto plan A.

Komui leaned forward in his seat, eyes wide with a childish grin on his face and everyone smiled, waiting for the amusement to begin.

Kanda, who had somehow managed to stuff all of his hair underneath the wig and hat looked rather ridiculous in Komui's long white coat and glasses. He rested his fingertips onto his chest as he sang, "I like my toast buttered."

Tyki, whom looked even more strange was dressed in Bak's standard outfit, the short jacket making those in his family laugh and snicker at his expence. Suffering a wince to his pride he sidled up to Kanda's back and inspected his nails, _"And I'll take mine dry."_

With a large grin Kanda through his hands into the air and almost screamed, "I dig the Beatles!"

As if trying to oudue the Exorcist the Noah rose a brow and waved his hand nonchalently through the air. _"And I'm a Stone's kinda guy."_

Sauntering with long, wide strides Kanda clasped his hands behind his back before stopping directly in front of Komui himself and giving Lenalee an endearing pat on the head. A move that made Komui giggle because it was just so definately him. "I have fine taste."

_"And I like things cheap," _as Tyki spoke he moved in an odd way over to the real Bak-Chan who was sitting on the edge of his seat, eyes wide.

"I wanna stay up all night!"

Tyki's words were stated in the kind of tone that it was supposed to be a whisper but loud enough for everyone to hear. _"I just wanna sleep...with your sister."_

Everyone who knew of Bak's obsession stilled, and everyone who knew of Komui's over protectiveness dropped their jaws in shock. Somehow the humor was gone from the situation as Komui froze, back going rigid and eyes narrowing onto the suddenly still figure of Bak.

The poor Asian Branch Chief seemed to be suffering from his hives problem as he trembled under the hideous gaze Komui was sending him. Why Kanda, why?

Those closest to Komui at the moment were also asking the same question.

Kanda seemed expand and grow larger and taller, the dental tools of death appearing in his hands as he glared bloody murder at the man on the other side of the room. The atmosphere the Exorcist was sending off was so perfectly Komui people shuddered, half expecting a Komurin to show up in any minute. "I'm sorry what'd you just say?"

Tyki's brow furrowed as he stared innocently at the imposing figure. _"What?"_

"No, you just said something about you wanna sleep with...?" As if falling for the man's innocent charm when he simply shrugged and rose a brow Kanda settled down, the tools turning off but remaining by his sides nonetheless. He tried to shrug it off it seemed as he continued the song, "I like sunshine."

_"And I wanna nail your sister," _Tyki stated, not looking up from the folder in his hands and Bak found himself turning whiter than Allen's hair under Komui's intense gaze.

Allen's eyes rounded at the sight of the brown folder in the Noah's hands. He instantly thought back to when he hit Bak's chin when his innocence was messed up and the folder fell, pictures of Lenalee scattering everywhere. No...no that couldn't be the same folder could it...?

"See!!" The large drill whirred to life as Kanda pointed it at Tyki as if it were Mugen. "There you just said it-," once more he turned his head and breathed in and out, in and out. Nice and slow to control the anger. There's no need for violence...yet... "I like Julia Robert's movies."

_"I just wanna fuck the shit outta your sister!"_

With a roar Kanda was directly in Tyki's face, the man not even bothering to cower from the rather lethal instruments held in Kanda's hands. With the anger running through him like that, the crowd was starting to think that it might be best to remove the tools, granted the anger was false seeing how it was just a play, it was never safe or smart to give the homicidal maniac weapons of any kind. A Finder learned that the hard way when he bugged the samurai a little too much at a bad time and found Kanda's chop sticks lodged home in his arm.

_"Well, Teich, you would rule." _Tyki patted the man on the head, ignoring the shadow of doom as he closed the folder shut.

"What're you talking about?" Kanda snarled and Reever partially stood when Komui's posture got infeniately more violent.

_"If you'd say its cool-"_

"IT'S NOT COOL!!!"

_"I'd go pick her up...at her junior high school."_

Kanda made a show of roaring and bringing the weapons down with full strength, fully expecting the Noah to phase through the attack like he always did. And he wasn't disappointed.

They could hear Bak whimpering as they turned and Komui's voice penetrated the silence.

"Is that true Bak-Chan-chan?" His voice was the same as when he intercepted the man from bringing an injured Lenalee flowers after the incident in the Ark.

"O-of course not Komui! It's just a joke after all! Everything Kanda's done has been a joke!!!"

"Well...to be on the safe side..."

Out of nowhere Kanda saw a white blur fly past him and he was spun around directly into Tyki's arms...his weapons gone.

There was a horrid shriek and everyone turned to look as Komui chased the poor Branch Chief out of the room with the instruments of death, Bak's loyal follower running after them.

Glancing at each other, the two actors grinned and Kanda was placed back on his feet. His revenge was completed.

No one knew but he was also very protective of sweet and innocent Lenalee, after all he was their when she was being tortured by Levvier so he had an almost instinct to protect the girl. And Bak's blatent starting was enough to frazzle his nerves. No one stares at his little sister like that, no one.

"AAAAGHHHHHHH! HAVE MERCY KOMUI! PLEASE!"

_"DIE YOU WORTHLESS MAGGOT! DIEEEEE!!!!!!"_

...hehe...poor Bak-Chan but seriously this song was just begging to be used with these two and who better than to play the lustful part than Tyki Mikk himself? No one i say! No one! Anyway the song is "Best Friend Song" (such an interstingly dull title) by Stephen Lynch.


	8. Chapter 8

xHanako we've got a crossdresser in this chapter. thought you'd be interested. And Blooberii, if you thought he was insane before...you're going to think he's completely different person in this one and as for Kanda-is-all-I-want, we've got Yullen!!

Chapter 8: its a mystery...dundundun...

By the time Komui came back the others noticed it was without his weapons and he seemed to be in a much better mood. And Bak wasn't following him, that in of itself was not a very good sign.

Plopping down next to his sister the scientist ignored the cautious looks being sent his way. "I take it than that Kanda and Tyki had moved on to the dressing room."

It wasn't really a question...seeing as how neither of said men were in the room right now...

"Eerr, brother...what did you do to Bak?"

Komui's grin grew sinister as he thought back to how the Asian Branch Chief looked when he left him.

The drill was shoved up his ass...The flash light was shoved down his throat...And his eyes were gauged out.

"I didn't do anything too painful, don't worry."

He only got disturbed looks in return, at least Rhode was looking at him and grinning as if she shared the amusement. And conisdering her capabilities she probably did. Suddenly all attention was taken away from Komui and to Tyki who was in his normal clothes once again. He grinned and nodded at quite a few of the ladies, and some of the boys, in the audience before plopping down next to Rhode.

"Ah, that was fun," the Noah sighed, a shit eating grin on his face as he eyed the way to the dressing room. "But as fun as that was this ones going to be even better..."

Rhode leaned in towards her 'brother', "Neh, Tyki. What's going on whose he going as next?"

The Noah of Pleasure rose a brow and looked at her. "You'll find out soon enough. And knowing you Rhode, you're going to get a kick out of it." One golden eye glanced up at the exorcists looking down at him, his amused gleam directed straight at a suddenly very nervous Allen. "I can't say that you're going to like it though Cheating Boy."

"What are you ta-"

_"OH MY GOD!" _

Rudely interrupted Allen and the others looked up and their jaws dropped at the sight that came strutting before them with a little skip in his steps.

Rhode squealed and giggled, rocking backwards almost and the Earl eeped at the sight. Tyki's grin merely grew wider as those of the Black Order all felt their jaws drop.

And they all thought that Kanda as Jesdevi was bad but this...holy shit!

Kanda once again had the rows of stigmanta striking across his forehead, eyes gleaming with a sly expression as he sucked on a large, rainbow lollypop. He was wearing a pair of shiny black shoes and his striped socks went all the way up to his mid thighs. There was a gap from the socks and the ruffly short black skirt that exposed an inch of muscled skin. His top was a simple long sleeved white shirt and he had a long red tie around his throat, the end reaching to about midstomach and in his right hand was an impersonation of Relo. His long black hair was stuffed up under a blue haired wig, the strands sticking up in a fiery formation.

He...he was crossdressing as...Rhode...

Allen shuddered.

Taking out the lolly Kanda grinned and wagged his hips, making the skirt sway precariously close to his butt. "Hey Allen! Oh Allen you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind hey Allen! Hey, hey hey Allen!"

Allen's face paled so dramatically his skin matched his hair. Rhode was laughing the hardest of them all, tears pouring out of golden eyes as she rocked back and forth in her place on the ground. Tyki and the other Noah were grinning and laughing, yet nodding as if this was the real deal happening. The only one not really thrilled was the Earl, who looked as if his precious daughter was being exposed. Teidoll was busy having a heart attack at his son crossdressing. As a Noah no less. And actually pulling it off.

Kanda swiftly skipped across the room towards the petrifyed Allen, the lolly and fake Relo swaying in each hand as he skipped with a smile. Yea, he may be cross dressing, but at least he was able to make the Moyashi pay...plus, he made this outfit look _good._

"Oh Allen, you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Allen! Hey, hey hey Allen."

Lenalee was smothering herself trying to keep the laughter in but Allen frowned angrily at his other friends who didn't even bother to try the laughter. But his face took on a slightly greenish hue when Kanda seemingly popped up in thin air and plucked him out of the seat.

"Oh Allen! You've been around all night and that's a little long," the Japanese exorcist was holding onto the freaked out British child by the hips, preventing him from going anywhere as he sang with a smile in a rather high octave. In fact, with how deep his voice is it should have been physically impossible to get that high... "You think you've got it right, but I think you've got it wrong. But can't you say goodnight?" He suddenly wrapped his arms around Moyashi and squeezed. "So you can take my home Allen!"

The exorcist finally managed to break free of the crossdressing swordsman but was blocked from going back to his seat...so he ran in the opposite direction. Kanda simply watched him and followed slowly with a dreamy frown on his face as he shook the lolly back and forth in a no-no expression.

"Cuz when you say you will, it always means you won't. You're giving me the chills. Baby, please baby, don't!" Kanda upped his skipping speed and the pervs who weren't laughing themselves into a coma eyed the exposed backside with drool. Intereseting, the exorcist was crossdressing _down there _to. "Everynight you still leave me all alone Allen!"

Lenalee couldn't hold it in anymore and she fell backwards off the chair from laughing so hard. Rhode was moving with the rythm of the song, her smile stretched from ear to ear. Ah, maybe her stubbern Allen will finally understand the significant relationship they have after this...

Allen was still busy freaking out, half considering activating Crown Clown. He looked behind his shoulder only to scream loudly when he saw Kanda standing right behind him.

"Oh Allen what a pity you don't understand. You take me by the heart," Kanda grabbed Moyashi's hand in a death vise grip making the white haired boy wince and he was suddenly pulled back into Kanda's embrace so his palm was forced be pressed flat against Kanda's chest...oh...so that's what those bump were in Kanda's shirt...he went so far as to stuff napkins down... "When you take me by the hand."

Rubbing his cheek against Allen's skull Kanda cooed, "Oh Allen you're so pretty, can't you understand? It's guys like you Allen!" He released Allen's wrist only to grab his shoulders and shriek in his face, "Oh what you do Allen, do Allen! Don't break my heart Allen!"

"Hey Allen! Now when you take me by the," the man paused with the hand holding Relo poised over his mouth, leaving only his lollypop hand holding Allen in place. And man was the boy struggling. Lavi was reminded of a fish struggling against the hook. "Who's ever gonna know everytime you move, I let a little more show," with the word he bent over slightly and the crowd behind him wolf whistled at the black laced covered rump. Straightening back up he continued his song. "It's something we can use, so don't say no Allen!"

"C'mon and give it to me anyway you can," Kanda winked suggestively at the struggling boy and curiously...after the wink...he stopped struggling. He simply froze with a dumbfounded, scared shitless expression. But Bookman saw a certain spark in his eye that reminded him a little too much of his stupid apprentice. "Anyway you wanna do it, I'll treat you like a man. But please baby," Kanda pouted, a desperate scared expression on his face. "Don't leave me in the damned Allen!"

The expression quickly disappeared and he used 'Relo's' hooked end to wrap around Allen's free shoulder and drag him in. "Oh Allen you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind! Hey Allen! Hey, hey, hey Allen!" Grabbing each hand Kanda started a fast tempo dance that Allen was forced to take part in, and Rhode was delighted to see that the boy wasn't struggling anymore! He excepted her affection!!!

"Oh Allen you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind! Hey Allen! Hey, hey, hey Allen!"

The song ended with Kanda grabbing the boy and shoving him up close to his chest with the lolly and umbrella hanging limp around his neck and one leg wrapped around the shocked boy's waist, broadcasting the white skin of his ass.

One third of the audience were cringing, highly disturbed by the sight of Kanda crossdressing and mere facts that they're homophobes. Another one third was laughing their asses off and the rest was smiling and wolf whistling at the rather dirty scene in front of them. Some of their wishes coming partly true...Kanda in a fucking skirt. Oohlalah.

Now there were two people who were twitching with none of the above symptoms. No, Teidoll was twitching with fatherly thoughts of, where had he gone wrong? Why was his son crossdressing? Was his son gay? What the fuck is going on?! No, I must spend more time with my Yuu-kun, my baby boy has some explaining to do!!!

The other was a lot rounder and scarier looking. The Earl was glaring daggers at the white haired boy who had been extraced from Kanda and was simply standing there in shock. Even when the samurai left the idiot was still statue still. But the main thing that bothered him was the bulge in his trousers...his Rhode...he was going to have to issue an order to all Akuma and Noah to not let Allen Walker anywhere near his precious Noah of Dreams. He can't have his baby girl be raped!

But just before Kanda left the ring he twirled around, tossed the candy high into the air for someone else to take and blew a kiss. He only left when the sticky candy stuck to Allen's white hair.

The song is actually called "Hey Mickey" from the movie Bring it On but the circumstances were simply to great for it to be ignored. So where each Allen is in the song, it's actually supposed to be Mickey but I mean come on, who else can see Rhode singing this to Allen? Review please


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry for the long wait everyone and thanks to the reviews. Hope this was worth it.

Chapter 9: Sheryl

"Allen?"

"Allen are you okay? You look like you're about to pass out or somethin..."

"Hold on let me try."

"Uh-Road I don't think _you're _the one he wants to wake up to right now."

The warning went unheard as the blue haired girl sat straight up and landed directly on the silent, white haired boys lap. With a large smile the little Noah jumped forward and planted her lips on his.

"!"

The others watched in mock surprise as Allen shot the girl off of him and went flying into the back of the room screaming necessites and what sounded like 'NOT AGAIN!'

Arm draped over the back of the chair Lavi turned a blank stare on the girl whose skirt was flipped up to her waist. "Tyki told you he wouldn't have been receptive to that."

Komui was partially hidden under the bunny cup but his voice got the attention from everyone, "Well well, it appears Kanda's in a rather playful mood towards the Noahs' today..."

"I'm bringing sexy back,

"Them other boys don't know how to act.

"I think you're special what's behind you're back,

"So turn around and I'll pick up the slack."

And here came Kanda sauntering out of the changing rooms as if he owned the planet they all stood on, a viciously seductive smile gracing his lips. Long black hair rested on his back in waves, barely hiding the painted stigmanta that stood out as brightly as the fake golden eyes.

The Noah he was impersonating blinked before clapping joyfully a childish giggle adorning the handsome face where the rest of the audience eyed the samurai as if he'd gone insane.

"Dirty babe," Kanda held out his wrists for them all to see, a sensual tilt of the hips as he swayed over to where the Noah of Pleasure sat. "You see these shackles baby, I'm your slave." Oh poor Tyki, the man looked as if his worst nightmare had come to life.

It was one thing for Kanda to crossdress as Road. It was one thing to cosplay as Jasdevi and Tyki.

Everyone watched with slack jaws as the man knelt in front of the Portugease man and grasped his chin, leaning in close to lick the shell of his ear. "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave. Its just that no one makes me feel this way."

But it was a whole nother issue when he cosplayed...Sheryl.

With a high pitched squeal most males at his age couldn't achieve Tyki flew to the back of the room where Allen was still crying and Lavi couldn't help but laugh at the pair who seemed to be trying their hardest to make that corner the corner for those who suffered sexual abuse under Kanda.

Pouting that his plaything ran away Kanda turned from Pleasure to look down into the wide eyes of Dreams.

"Come here girl, come to the back," Road's mouth jaw dropped her skirt still settled at her waist. Lenalee was smirking behind her hand as her childhood friend made the Noah quiver under sexual fear. That's what she got for dressing her up as a doll and than kissing her.

"VIP, drinks on me," the samurai gave a leachorus grin as he placed his hand on the girl's calf, slowly bringing the hand higher up to the knee. "Let me see what you're working with, look at those hips." With the eye of a professional Kanda skimmed back Road's skirt to rub her hip and an outraged cry left the actual Sheryl's lips.

The Noah of Envy was almost crying in jealousy. _He _was supposed to do that not some exorcist pretending to be him!

"You make me smile," and indeed Kanda had a pervy grin on and was leaning in close to his last impersonation. "Go ahead child," he nuzzled into her ear and whispered, "Get your sexy on."

Road screamed and ran to go huddle behind her elder brother in the corner of Kanda's Sexual Victims; leaving the man to pout more before standing up and playing with his hair.

"I'm bringing sexy back, them other fuckers don't know how to act." He licked his upper lip slowly to show off the movement before spreading his arms out wide. "Come let me make up for the things you lack, cause you're burnin' up I gotta get it fast."

Almost as if he were a Noah himself the female finders in the room came drooling up to him and into his open arms. "Dirty babe, you see these shackles baby, I'm your slave," nosing the girl closest to him Kanda ran his hand along another ones flank. The crowd was watching in disbelief at the sight of their aloof and deadly samurai acting so lewdly.

The Earl...well the Earl wasn't really surprised. Anyone acting as his boy Envy had to behave that way.

"I'll let you whip me if I misbehave, its just that no one makes me feel this way."

The group of women were drooling and falling to their knees around him which only brought more to the song. Much to the rest of the populance annoyance.

All that bastard had to do was spread out his arms and girls come flying, lucky bastard.

"Come here girl, come to the back. VIP," much to Teidoll's horror and Lavi's widening eye Kanda's right hand was lowering further and further up one of the finder's skirts until he was breaching under it. "Drinks on me, let me see what you're working with," his other hand was working at the low hemline of another finder's shirt, touching her collarbone. "Look at those hips, you make me smile, go ahead child," lips grazing one woman's ear he whispered, "Get your sexy on."

And unlike the other two victims this one whimpered and dissolved into a pile of goo.

"I'm bringing sexy back, them other fuckers wait till I attack. If that's your girl you better watch your back," and with a particularly harsh grin and a long lick up the cartoid vein of a random female the male populance squacked angrily. "Cause she'll burn it up for me and thats a fact."


	10. Chapter 10

Neh neh, Kinya m' glad you seem to be getting a kick out of it so far and just for you...along with everyone else of course...

Ch.9 Lenalee

"Moyashi...are you okay?"

Everyone was sitting there staring at him, the white haired boy back in his seat and rocking back and forth with his arms wrapped around his knees. He had a rather petrified expression on his unusually pale face and needless to say everyone's gotten a little concerned. Even Tyki and Road were giving him bemused lookes.

"I'm fine. I'm fine. Kanda just scared me, that's all." The exorcist's eyes were wide and the statement was said very quickly.

Reever rose a brow at Teidoll's and Earl's glaring gazes. Honestly, it wasn't the kids fault he got a hard on; Kanda crossdressing has to be a major fantasy for the majority of the people in this place.

The Noah of Dreams gave a sudden grin and leaned up close to Allen's rocking figure. "Hey, Allen...do you accept my feelings no-!"

Out of absolute no where the Earl came popping up, startling everyone in the vicinity. He had both arms wrapped around the blue haired girl, his eerie grin even bigger than usual as he glared at the British. "Stay away from my Road, Allen Walker!"

With that he popped back up in his previous chair, Road blinking in a confused mannor.

It took a little while to get over that.

With a squeak one of the girls pointed, gawking at Kanda who came back on stage.

Once again in drag.

With long pig tails, another short skirt, black exorcist's jacket and high Dark Boots.

By gods he was dressing as Lenalee.

The Chinese siblings stared for a moment with the elder brother leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. Seeing as how Kanda's attention was focused solely on Rouvelier and had a smile to outsmirk the Earl's he knew this was going to be interesting.

"Lets find a rock," Kanda rose a brow and turned to the crowd for a moment. "I mean a big ass rock." Resting a hand under his chin Kanda took Lenalee's thinking posture. "Or maybe something like a cynder block."

The inspector just sat, staring.

And no one else said a word, not getting the joke.

"It's better. I'll hoist it up," the drag queen rose his hands, a sweet smile on his face before he dropped them staring straight at the ugly bastard. "And drop it on your face, my buddy."

The room gasped as a whole and surprisingly enough...Lenalee smirked and nodded.

"And just before the lights go out, you'll see my smile," Kanda grabbed the inspector by the collar of his coat, eyes cold and hard. "And you'll know you got a friend, with a rock, who cares."

With a grin that had Rouvelier sweating cold Kanda threw him into the center of the ring as he shouted, "I mean a big ass rock!"

Dark Boots clicking against the tile Tyki rose a surprised brow when out of thin air Kanda produced a rope. It was kind of surprising how everyone in the room were grinning along with Kanda's song. Apparently the inspector wasn't liked so much.

"Or a rope," Kanda petted the rope in his grasp like it was a lovely snake. "I got some quality rope. For a man who's devoid of hope, like you are, my buddy...Micheal."

Dragging himself backwards Rouvelier unknowingly went along with the song. "It's Malcom."

Kanda's brows rose and he gave him a sarcastic smile. "Yeah, Malcom...right."

Stiffled laughs were poring in now as people observed Rouveliers angered expression.

Looping the rope into a noose Kanda had it swing back and forth in a pendulum motion directly infront of the elder man's face. Rouvelier was starting to sweat and the others in the crowd subconciously moved farther back from the pair in the ring, watching Kanda's scary grin get more intimidating. The samurai gave a sudden sharp laugh and lunged towards the inspector, throwing the noose over Rouvelier's skull so it settled under his chin.

Clapping gleefully and leaning forward Lenalee's smirk was broader than the Earl's, outmatched only by Komui's smug grin.

"And I won't leave you hanging there," Kanda swung behind the man on the floor, short skirt flying with the movement and pulled on the rope causing the man to flail. "Twitching like a fish while you claw the air," the audience watched in amazed silence as Rouvelier did just as Kanda said while the drag queen merely raised a manicured hand up to his chest, lightly touching his fingertips over his heart. "I'll grab your feet, and pal o' mine, I'll pull real hard and-" Rouvelier squealed and the finders flinched in fear when Kanda literally threw the man over his shoulder. "_Snap!_" Rouvleier landed face first onto the cement floor bouncing back up with a bit of blood under his nose. "Your spinal cord!"

With a grin and flip of his hair Kanda strutted away from the angered inspector a sway to his hips. "The world is cold when you're alone, and they ignore you but don't kill yourself..."

Kanda turned and locked eyes with Rouvelier who stood with a snarl. "We'll do it for you. You've got a friend."

Before Kanda could get his next line in or Rouvleier could start screaming at him the entire room was silenced when a finder came walking out of the dressing room, surprising even the samurai.

"You know, I asked a guy once if he'd mind putting me in a barrel," Gozu walked up to Kanda with a shy stance, Miranda's outfit by far too small for his large frame. "And sending me over the falls," when the second cross dresser was side by side next to the samurai he poked the smaller man in the fake bust and pouted, "You know what the son of a bitch said? "Drop dead, asshole."

Miranda's jaw dropped as Lenalee doubled over giggling into her mouth and Kanda's grin turned more sharklike. "People are pricks. I asked this guy to take his air compressor and drill me with a six-inch nail right through the eye...," pointing at his eye with a painted nail Kanda had to look up to complain to the other male.

"What'd he say?" Gozu asked.

Kanda pouted and walked towards Rouvelier who was trying to crawl away at a pace that would have gone unnoticed by anyone but a cross dressing Japanese. "I'm low on nails."

Gozu shook his head and ran a hand through the wig, lowering his eyes to the floor. "People are selfish pricks."

Having reached the bleeding jackass Kanda leaned against Rouvelier, tapping his fingers on his head. "Another time, now get this," with his other hand Kanda was waving through the air, gestating in a way only Lenalee should have been able to pull off. " I just lay down in front of a steam roller and asked the guy just to proceed, you know, business as usual, and just squash me like a bug." Kanda nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders ignoring Komui's choking noises.

"That's a good way to go, Lenalee, the ol' bug squash." Gozu walked over and bent over to look at Rouvelier's face. Kanda giggled as the male bent over far too slowly, making the crowd behind him gag at the sight of the short skirt showing off far too much skin. "We could tie a plastic laundry bag over his head."

"Naw," Kanda waved a hand through the air in a dismissive manor and manhandled the inspector to his other side so he was on the floor again. "That's such a wimp suicide."

There was a pause in the song and the crowd started to look at each other wondering if it was over until Kanda smacked the older man on top of the head making Link whimper in fear. "I stuck my finger in a socket once," Rouvelier closed his eyes, snarling as his face turned red at the indignation of being forced into this idiocy. "It hurt real bad...but it didn't kill me."

Kanda groaned. "Malcolm stay out of this."

Gozu sighed as Rouvelier ignored the samurai's protests and continued the verbal assault leading the entire room to roar in tears. Ooh how they were all going to die... " I've got a friend like Carole King, or was it Carly Simon used to sing?" The brunette shook his head. "I always get those two confused but anyway, I turned around," Rouvelier stood to his feet and turned facing his attackers. "And suddenly I'm not alone, it ain't just me."

He turned to the crowd and threw his arms out, blood coating his lips from Kanda's first assault. "I'm like a player on the team I'm part of the gang..." his voice got real quiet then, simplistic and sentimental as he touched his heart. "A member of the club Jerry & Dave  
Player on our team. Part of the gang. Welcome to the club."

Gozu straightened up with an excited expression. "OO...let's get a club."

Kanda glanced at him. "I like the big ass rock."

Gozu nearly ran to the inspector and grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him with barely held back glee. The crowd cheered him on, glad to see Rouvelier get his for once and even if it was so minor. "Naw, one good swing and I'll clean his clock forever."

Kanda walked over and shoved against Gozu's shoulder taking hold of his prisoner. "Let gravity do the work!"

Gozu ignored the stressed out Jap playing Chinese and used the German's appearance to look scheming as he whispered in Rouvelier's ear, "It's a man's way to die Mikey!"

Kanda slammed the Dark Boots onto the ground. "It's Malcolm!"

Rouvelier was going cross eyed as the pair fought over him. "I got friends, oo I've got friends."

Kanda and Gozu seemed to get over the little argument and started singing together, taking an arm each and leading Rouvelier around the room as if he was a sack of potatoes. "Friends who will, love you like a maniac. And lead you like a lamb to the railroad track; and tie you down."

"Or tickle your wrist," Kanda used his free hand to bring a blade up to the captured man's fragile flesh, "With a single edged razor. Or buy you a beer, with a draino chaser. Or dump you in the river with a rock."

Rouvelier interrupted them. "A big ass rock."

Kanda let go and went to the crowd. "Here's a nice one right over here." The Earl gave a very unmanly squeak when the drag queen picked him up and threw him over his shoulder, making his way back to Gozu and Rouvelier who was looking sicker by the minute.

Gozu grinned and let go of the limb. "Can I give you a hand with that? It looks heavy."

Kanda shook his head and stared Rouvelier down like the Grim Reaper; the Earl surprisingly staying in place eyes wide in shock. "No Miranda, it ain't heavy...he's my friend."

Rouvelier gulped when Gozu said quietly, "Group hug," and Kanda flipped the fat ass over his shoulder and right on top of the now flattened inspector.


End file.
